No it wasn’t a typo. I didn’t mean designer jeans, I meant exactly what I wrote. Oh, this isn’t my clever play on words, its life-coach/author Iylana Vanzant's.  I encountered this in her wonderful no-holds-barred book, Just for Today, where she dishes up short, daily wake-up calls for the soul. Some of her insights about how we sometimes behave or rather misbehave are quite sobering.

Well, you can tell by now that I am one of her biggest fans. And even though she has, at times, really had me in corner, I have never, ever regretted buying her book. It has had a profound affect on my life.

We all, according to Ms.Vanzant, are made from designer genes. That is to say we are unique creatures and creations of a Power far greater than ourselves. Whether you believe it or not you can not deny that there is only one of you. Even identical twins who share the same DNA develop into unique individuals. And even if many of their habits, traits, likes and dislikes are almost exactly alike they are not the same person.

Our uniqueness should make us proud and strong. Yet for some, all they ever want to do is be like everybody else. Yes, we all know the old adage about there being “safety in numbers” can be true. There are times when it is both wise and prudent to join with others, but it does not mean we are to stop being who we are. Wanting to be one of the girls?

Oh boy, do I remember those days and mostly, with horror. No matter how hard I tried to fit in, be just like them, I never got to be one of them. Every time I got close, they’d change the criteria.

We all know that hindsight is 20/20. And as Dolly Parton sang: “if I knew then what I know now, I’d have tried to do it better somehow”.

You know what?  I‘m going to give you a present; a“get out of jail free” card.  You know, like in Monopoly. Here it is. Since you didn’t know any better then, you are forgiven. The question is, what are you going to doing NOW?

Are you still trying to fit in, twisting yourself into knots?

Betraying who you really are, for the sake of others, just to get out of being you? Are they worthy of such self-sacrifice? Well only you can answer that one. But one thing is for sure, you can not blame them for how it makes you feel. You have a life to live and it is your responsibility to live it! But if you want to hand that responsibility over to others and still you don’t feel any better, then STOP COMPLAINING!

How do I know this?

Because I’ve been there; done that. And I have vowed to never put myself in those situations ever again. At some point in time we all have to realize and accept that the statute of limitations has long since run-out on all things we can blame others for.

As one of the women in Ntozake Shange’s Broadway play (1976) For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide/When the Rainbow is Enuf, tells her boyfriend, who has for the umpteenth time let her down: “ stop saying you’re sorry and just be yourself”.

Be well,

Cyndee

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